codie
I was about three when it began.
I was told by these people that I was special.
It was a secret just between them and me. I was nine when I realized the things
that were happening to me were not about love and that they were wrong.
I began to feel very bad inside, like I was born to do bad things or that I made these people make bad choices because I was somehow made to seduce. I didn’t even know what that word meant at the time.
My mother wanted to sweep everything under the rug. She would say, “Don’t talk about it.” My uncle wanted to absolve me from my sins and told me I needed to accept Jesus Christ into my heart and beg for forgiveness.
It was then that I started gaining a lot of weight. A part of me thought it was good; I wouldn’t be wanted in the same way anymore. But it was also really bad because I hated my body and so did everyone else.
I bring my lost innocence to The Nest. I bring my pain from abuse and objectification and the lack of support from the loved and respected elders
in my young years.
I bring acceptance and forgiveness for the imperfect people in my life and my own imperfections and wrongdoings.
I bring my nine-year-old self.